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| I will be writing on Smile Brigade Blog
Check it out!
-Andrew | | |
| Happy Happy Happy 
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| Kneeling before all that I dream, before all that I love, all that I have wished for on those lonely nights. Tears rolling down my face. I feel so weak, so miniscule. She is so pure, so loving, so perfect. Why did I have to wait so long? Why did I have to suffer? I scream out in anger. Couldn’t you have picked me up earlier? I have been stuck in the same nightmares, the same daily nightmare routine. All I want to do is love you. Suffering would be so much easier, if I knew I was suffering for you. Couldn’t you have given me a glimpse, before I lost hope so long ago? I know I’m not great. I know I can’t speak. I know I am silent. All I do is listen, because someday I’ll hear you speak. That is why I am silent; I am waiting for you to respond. I continue to let my body feel, continue to let me mind race, continue to let my heart beat. Life is a choice. I
don’t have to be here, but I can feel your presence, you await the
perfect moment when I am truly ready. But I am becoming
impatient. I am losing the essence of your presence.
My consciousness is fragile. My dreams are dry. Only face feels the moisture of my tears.
Reaching out for someone to pick me up, I reach for nothing, and again fall. | | |
| how did I become the product of such awkwardness and loner-syndrome.
i want to meet new people, but i feel uncomfortable and un-interested
only people's lives. i want to be noticed, i don't want to notice
others.
searching for a home, i still feel like an outsider.
searching for love, i feel like i've never been happy.
i think back to all the past relationships i've had, yet i can't think of one that i felt truly loved and truly cared for.
again i think back to that cute couple, holding hands, looking into
each other's eyes, like they understand each other. ha... i
feel like this is but an illusion.
i think i should be a teacher. i don't know how long i can live
in the corporate world. my life would be so much more
fulfilling. i'm scared that i'll get trapped and won't be able to
get out. i think i will start to see what options i have.
again i feel speechless, but filled with words. i can talk, but i
talk more eloquently through writing than i do through speech.
i again feel inadequate to the rambling idiot. how they can talk
and talk about nothing, but feel so important. i have so much to
say, but i can't seem to get my mouth to be so discrete.
write, write, write is what i'm excellent at doing.
talk, talk, talk and i seem to cycle in meaningless prose.
would someone like to trade?
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| Listening to the world. Quietly finding my place.
The pain sets in when I girl hold onto a guy's arm.
I wish I could feel such attachment again.
What do I need to do to get noticed?
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